This week was a tough one. The weight of the badge felt especially heavy. Watching my son wrestle with the after-effects of a traumatic situation he had dealt with while on patrol took a bit of an emotional toll on our family.
Over the years, I’ve somewhat learned to accept the late shifts, the call-outs, sleeping alone, the broken plans, late holiday celebrations, the anxiety, worry, and stress that comes with loving someone in law enforcement. I know they are not, but this week all of those issues just seemed like the easy stuff.
When our beloved LEOs have to deal with the heart-wrenching, gut-aching, horrible calls...the calls that haunt their dreams...when what they’ve seen leaves scars on their minds…how do we handle and what exactly do we do with that part of loving someone who has chosen this career path? After being married to my LEO for 28 years, here’s my answer for you, plain and simple: I do not have one single clue.
I felt helpless watching as he tried to process his day’s events and wondered how much more I could take emotionally. I remember telling my son that if anyone was “built” to be a Police Officer, it was him. I have no doubts about that whatsoever, yet found myself doubting whether or not I was really built strong enough to be there and support him. After 28 years in this LEO lifestyle…I know I sound crazy…but having a kid in this career is an entirely new experience for me. I know I should have this down by now. I should have answers for rookie wives or even moms all wrapped up in an easy 3-step plan available in a shiny, colorful pamphlet! I should…but I don’t...this was hard and my heart just hurt for my LEO son. I caught myself asking God if He knew what He was doing placing me here in this moment.
I turned to and leaned heavily on a close friend, an amazing LEOW who showed nothing but compassion and empathy. She reminded me, as I will to you ladies, that we are not in this alone. She encouraged me to simply be there by his side, to listen to him, pray for him, and to of course offer speaking with a counselor if need be.
Like any other storm in life…the sun seemed to come out from behind the grey clouds and we all pressed on with another day. I know there will be plenty of other shocking calls that my son will go to as he works his way through his new career. I know he will encounter circumstances that may last 5 minutes in the streets, yet he will carry throughout his life. On the days I may find myself doubting whether or not I have the strength to help him through it…I know deep down that I’ll dig in my heels, call on a good friend for support, and above all remind myself that God is always in control. As much as I say it to my son, I also know that I’m right where I’m supposed to be. In case you might be needing to hear it today, so are you.
Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
l Sandee l