BOOK INTERVIEWS FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT RELATED READING

Tell our followers a little bit about yourself, your book The Invisible Line, and your journey as a police wife:

I grew up surrounded by books. My parents owned the local bookstore when I was in high school and college, so I was never without something to read. I started writing short stories and fairy tales of my own when I was in grade school, so it came as no surprise that I received my English degree and ultimately became an English/Family Literacy Instructor at a local university. Because of health issues, I no longer teach in the classroom, but I can now focus full-time on my writing. My two sons are grown, at 18 and 21, but they were only 14 and 17 when I wrote this devotional. They were around the same age that I was when I met my husband, at age 15. We started dating the following year, and we will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary next month. 

I also write modern-day fairy tales, recently publishing two books of a trilogy. But while planning these tales, there was a whisper that I could not quite hear, an itch I couldn't quite reach. And one day, I felt the nagging just a bit more— to write a book about our family's journey— our journey as a police family. 

After surviving severe sepsis in 2016, I looked back at this point in my life and realized that my faith gave me the strength to survive that ordeal. For that, I knew that I needed to tell the world how God was, and always will be, there in our lives. So I wrote this devotional for the wives and the family and friends of an officer. The title, The Invisible Line, comes from the concept of the Thin Blue Line that most people are aware of; it is a visible image of the line officers stand on each day. But we, the wives and families of those officers, stand in front of this line. No one sees us; we protect our blue line with sacrifice and anonymity. 

I took the photo for the cover using our wedding bands and my husband's badge. This book is undoubtedly our labor of love.

I was in college while Ken attended the police academy and worked on his college degree. We got engaged while he was working part-time for three separate departments. He was hired full-time in our very own hometown ONE month before our wedding! So I have been the cadet's girlfriend, the rookie's fiancee, the new hire's bride, and will now soon be the retiree's wife. It's been an amazing journey! 

What made you decide to write a book?

I spent childhood summers sitting on a bridge that spanned across a creek that ran through my backyard. Story after story after story, but no one ever read anything I wrote. I was so afraid of the idea of rejection. What if someone didn't like what I created? I carried this attitude into adulthood, teaching others the art of writing instead of creating my own. It was only after the sepsis scare that I looked at my life as a second chance. Ken never doubted my ambition to write this book at this time in my life after I told him I was setting aside my fairy tale novel to work on this particular devotional. 

It was not only the first time someone, besides my mother and grandmother, would read something I created (outside of college newspaper articles). It was the first time I laid out and published a book. I've learned more about page and chapter layout since then, but I will never change one word that I have written inside this book. 

I loved that at the end of every chapter there was an "idea for the day". It gave me time to think about what I had read and apply it directly to my life. I think often as mothers and wives we are so busy with everything going on, it is very rare to find time to just sit and have some introspection. This book was a little different than others that I've read in that every topic didn't necessarily have to do with us being a LE family and I love that! It's a part of our lives, but not fully who we are, it's just a small snippet of us. Did you have a method for choosing the topics you wrote about in each chapter? 

Before writing even one word, I brainstormed an entire list of feelings, situations, calls, etc., that our family had seen in twenty-plus years. It was a long list! But it made me realize that there was also so much more to our family than Ken's badge. It was a mighty giant and essential part, but we could not lose focus that there was so much more to us than his job. Each of us played a role in supporting our police officer. So I took each of our positions, our personalities, and even our struggles and joys, found the Bible verses that spoke to me, and researched to create the best learning lessons I could. When I went to layout the book, it just didn't feel complete. I felt like I left readers asking, well, now what? So I once again made lists, researched, and dug back into our past activities, coming up with the concept of Ideas for the Day. I didn't want it to become a workbook of questions and answers, rather a book of ideas to lift up and restore the readers.

You mention how Police Life is a calling, not just for the LEO but also for the families. What would be your advice for a wife that may be struggling with coming to terms with her spouse's profession if she herself isn't feeling peace with that calling? 

I've mentioned that I've been alongside my officer on this wild ride since the academy days, but I recognize that many of my readers might not have joined the group until later in her spouse's career. So no matter where a wife jumps onto the ride, she will soon realize that this path is nothing like she could have prepared for; Day One's verse hopefully reassures police families that they all have unique paths in life. An officer's course is full of brambles and obstacles. "Who would not fear the broken pieces of humanity that lay in front of them? Who would not want to back away from ridicule and evil?" A wife's path will soon become similar to her husband's, with its own set of obstacles. I still need to find compassion when Ken misses my son's concert because he's stuck on an arrest, and I still get frustrated over uniforms strewn across the bedroom floor. My advice for those who lose, or can't even find, the feeling of peace with your spouse's calling is to grab hold of each other. Hold onto him. Vow never to let go of this person you love because you will ultimately catch each other on life's inevitable rocky path. You know him more intimately than anyone else on this earth, as he knows you. Remind each other of your strength and resiliency and that you are on this wild ride together. 

One thing you touched on that really took my breath away….trust is something our families have a hard time with, especially in regards to our spouse and our kids' safety. What are some practical things you might recommend for those that struggle with giving it up to God? 

This question is so relevant to all of us right now; this last year of COVID-19 has taken all of us out of our comfort zone. And I admit, it's been hard to give it all up to God. Despair has been knocking at our doors for such a long time now. I could rely on my go-to of trying to control everything around me every second of the day, or I could spend my day pleading with God to cover my family in bubble wrap. I have learned to ask God not for bubble wrap (even though I fight that urge some days) but for strength. I always found it interesting that my grandmother would say, "God, give me strength," when things took a wrong turn, or a task seemed too large to accomplish. I did not understand her prayer as a child. It did not even sound like a prayer to my young ears. Now I catch myself uttering those exact words as I try to give up control and give it up to God. Strength to let go of control and find peace in His decisions. Not always easy to do daily, and it takes practice to call out to God to give you the strength to accept His answer. It is something I work into my vocabulary every day. 

In chapter 4 you say, "Sometimes it is just really hard to find gratitude and love that Christians strive to have." Wow, isn't that the truth! We do indeed almost become callous by association. It is hard watching your spouse take beatdown after beatdown from all sides and not just go into self-defense mode. What are some ways you have dealt with and overcome these feelings in the past?

To help our loved ones focus on gratitude rather than building up a wall of callousness, we must find peace in our hearts first. Easier said than done, right? Especially nowadays. I recently started to focus on the little things in our everyday lives to find gratitude in everything else. I've told my kids we have to start celebrating every milestone. Why save up the little hurrahs until we have enough to celebrate one big huzzah? Celebrate each and everything, each and every day. You know the saying, why save the good china for only holidays? Yeah, that feeling. The Danish people have been doing this for ages. So much so, they gave it a name. Hygge. It means creating a contented and comfortable environment, anything that brings a feeling of happiness or well-being. It could be a cup of hot chocolate before bed, a well-loved quilt, or a glass of iced tea while sitting under the shade tree. Whatever brings you happiness. I promise you. It will help you and your spouse refocus on the best of society.

"When we lose the peace in our hearts, it is hard to have peace with those around us….I cannot always choose what happens to me or what changes my best-laid plans, but I can choose how I feel about it." These quotes struck me deep after this year. We can't do a thing about what happens around us, but we can control our fear, worries, and peace (or lack thereof) by how we react on the outside and the inside. How long did it take you to adopt this outlook, and did you ever really struggle with it? 

I am indeed a work in progress when it comes to the idea of the what-ifs. It was something that I really had a hard time dealing with as a new wife and a new mother. It truly wasn't until I started writing on a full-time basis that I began to feel at peace with the what-ifs in my life. I think it's because I surrounded myself with not only God's words but the things that brought peace to my heart, mind, and soul. 

I'll admit, chapter 15 was hard for me to swallow. "Bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who despitefully use you." This is some hard truth, especially after the hate we have endured in unprecedented longevity. What an abundance of opportunity we have had to do this! I recently saw another wife say each time she read a comment hating on cops, she would say a prayer for that person. What is something of that nature that you have learned to do?

Oh, I do agree with you! The past few years, I've seen an unparalleled uptick in the severity and aggressiveness of my husband's calls and confrontations in even our small town and surrounding jurisdictions. I've tried to create a calming environment here at home, but sometimes I am drawn into my one weak spot— Social Media! My tendency to read the multitude of comments following random posts and articles is my downfall. I catch myself reading the rude, hostile, and sometimes wholly false remarks and internalize all of the hate, venom, and bile. It's at that point that I remember the word mercy. Pope Francis said that "mercy is the heart of God… tenderness and forgiveness for all." That's a beautiful thing to pray for; I pray for God to remind me that I am no better than the commenters by thinking so horribly about them. I ask Him to grant mercy and peace to all of us. 

Chapter 17 was filled with the sad reality that sometimes our LEOs just aren't allowed to be human in public. They aren't allowed to weep or rejoice with those they encounter; they have to be human later in private for things that deeply affected them. As a wife this makes me sad because I know this man I love, I know what his intentions are, most other wives would feel the same way. How do you encourage your husband through this sad reality?

He leaves the most gruesome, gory, and graphic scene only to come home to a house full of friends and family singing happy birthday to your two-year-old son. He got held up roping off an accident, hoping to find remnants of tire marks in the gravel. His uniform smells like gasoline, and there's dried blood on his arms. He hurries to wash up, change clothes, grab the camera and help pass out the slices of cake. 

Society expects our officers to jump from not only incident to incident but on-duty to off-duty life in a snap of a finger, with the ability to switch emotions just as quickly. But sometimes, the officer begins to believe this too. The badge is a symbol of calm amidst chaos, reason among emotion. Sometimes I see Ken carry his badge into the most private moments, unsure how to let go of it after so many years of holding back the most basic human emotions. It was at my father-in-law's funeral only eight years ago that I realized that I needed to remind Ken that it was okay to grieve, raw and honest, after seeing him repeatedly try to wear the mask of stoicism. As I say in this chapter, our loved ones feel like they cannot show their true selves in public. Sometimes though, as his partner in life, he needs to be permitted to be human, and I can reassure him that it's okay to laugh or cry with those whom he loves. 

Your book is filled with so many great quotes. So much great advice and confirmation for what we know to be true, it feeds the soul of those who read it. "Trials will come, we are meant to endure them." You speak on your struggle of enduring cancer and other health issues. How did you focus on staying positive in a negative world and what advice do you have for other women who are facing their own challenges? 

Simply put, I have learned from examples. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer the month of my wedding, as her mother had been nearly twenty years earlier. Both women went onto survive extremely aggressive surgeries and treatment. Through it all, my mother stressed that attitude was everything. When people heard of the stem cell transplant and experimental therapy she received, they asked how she could bear going through it. Her reply was simple—"Because I had no other choice." Mom, just like Grandma, refused to even think of any other alternative besides conquering her cancer. They wanted to move on with the rest of her life. She had too much to look forward to, holding onto her father's favorite phrase, This too shall pass. Being diagnosed with a fair share of autoimmune disease and having numerous surgeries, one to remove a softball-sized benign tumor, I adopted the exact phrase, the same fighting attitude, and the same answer of "because I have no other choice." It's not always easy to keep that frame of mind, but I only have to picture these two women who taught me how to fight because, like them, I refuse to sink when the waters rise high. 

There was a chapter where you spoke of a struggling teen that your husband attempted to reach but, in the end, he wasn't able to. How do you support your husband well during times like this where life and even memories from the past can weigh them down? 

This chapter was the hardest and easiest chapter to write. It was the easiest to write because the incident was still so new that the feelings of anguish were still brimming at the top of my mind. It was the hardest chapter to write because I watched the pure desperation in my husband's eyes continue to haunt him. I write about a local teen who got mixed up in bad company, even as Ken tried to pull him from it with advice, check-ins, and reassurances. As I say in the passage, the boy found trouble one more time and never made it home. I think the hardest part of being a LEOW is seeing that haunting look of helplessness in your husband's eyes, and you know there is nothing you can do to take that feeling away from him. Even years later, I catch a glimpse of that look when we see old newspaper articles detailing the event or realize that someone was missing from that year's graduation class. It makes my heart ache, even more, knowing that our feelings cannot be compared to the teen's mother's loss. Silence and stoicism have become the officer's norm as far as emotion; we've touched on that. In situations like this, I can only ask him to talk to me when he's ready. I don't ask or prod for details, yell when he shuts down, or hound him to hug it out. I have learned to be ready to listen—whether it's in the middle of the night, during a car ride to the grocery store, or while watching a movie. It may be a nudge in bed to see if you're awake or a click of the pause button on the remote. It's in these odd times that he will be ready to talk, and you will have an open ear. 

What were some of your favorite chapters to write about and why? 

The chapter entitled Are You a Martha or Mary was one of my favorites simply because I enjoyed researching these two women. I was fascinated with finding out how people welcomed friends into homes during the Biblical times and how a house was cared for by the families. In the same way, I loved researching and writing the chapter entitled, She is My Mama. Once again, I was excited to investigate where Mary, mother of Jesus, traveled after Christ's ascension. My favorite one to write was A Whisper because I wrote it to myself as a reminder to be still and listen to the silence in this busy, chaotic world. 

What would be some good advice you have for a new wife starting out?

Wow, there are so many that come to mind. The ones I've listed below are the most important to me because I've experienced all of them at one point or another, some of them several times. I might have let some of them get to me at first, but they were all learning lessons along the way.

Do not lose yourself—your talents, goals, hobbies, etc. 

Do not lose your friends—they will be your sounding board, your support system, even if they don't fully understand the call of your position.

Do not lose your sense of humor—you will need it.

Invest in good quality laundry detergent and try to iron along the creases—or let your husband iron them as I do. 

Learn to pray with your husband—it will bring you both closer together.

Remember that you WILL be stood up for dinner, even if you're already seated at a table in a fancy restaurant, and it is your anniversary—he will mean well, believe me; he'd rather be at dinner with you than on another call. 

You may have to celebrate Christmas Morning after lunchtime—plans may have to change at the drop of a hat; learn to go with the flow. 

You may have to attend weddings, funerals, family reunions, birthdays, etc., without your Plus One—it's never easy showing up at his cousin's wedding without him, but the family will understand.

Never forget that God united you with this man, for better or worse, and He will see you both through every up and each down in life—He always has us in the palm of His hand. 

What are some of the biggest lessons you have learned in your journey of being a police wife? 

See above. Plus, I have found the following.

Burnout exists, and it can affect both of us. 

I try to never go to bed angry, or if he works a midnight shift, never let him leave angry. No one will sleep that night.

I will always say I love you.

Lately, I have been working on finding ways to bring calm into our home—Hygge!

I write his work schedule on the calendar in pencil—it will never stay the same. 

I have worked on my anxiety to attend events on my own. 

I've learned that when people are at their worst, he will need me the most. 

Anne Marie, I have so enjoyed reading your book and feel I am a better person for it. We are so blessed being able to have resources like yours that help us feel a little less alone in this world! I wish you all the best in all your future endeavors!

- Alyssa J.

Tell our followers a little bit about yourself, your book Moments of Truth, and your journey as a police wife:

Hello, fellow police wives! I’m Jessica Mertz and I live in the beautiful Black Hills of South Dakota. My husband is a Senior Officer with the Rapid City Police Department, a sniper with the Special Response Team, and is also an Army Military Police Officer with the South Dakota National Guard. For the past ten years, being the wife of both a military and civilian officer has shaped me in ways that I did not expect and at times I have even questioned his career choice. 

Together we have three kids which keeps me busy juggling everyone’s schedule and running our home. I work part-time and really love serving my community in various ways. My book was published last fall and has opened up the opportunity for a few speaking engagements, which I really enjoy! Who knew my greatest fear as a child, talking to a crowd, would become one of my favorite things to see on my schedule now!?

What made you decide to take a leap and write a book?

Fear, faith, and the pure craziness that comes from being a police wife!

Honestly, I love to read and journal, so the idea of a journal for wives of law enforcement officers had been on my heart for years, but it wasn’t until a tragedy occurred in our department, taking the lives of two officers, that made me put pen to paper as I worked through my own struggles. Although I had a few close police wife friends from our department, I often wondered if anyone else outside of our community thought about or felt what I did. I’ve read most books geared to LEOWs and wanted to get REAL with someone about my own fears, failures,and funny moments in this crazy Blue life. It wasn’t until God opened some doors that the creation of Moments of Truth really got rolling. I didn’t think verses, sayings, and private stories that I collected in a ratty notebook would be shaped into something read by complete strangers—but if it helps them not feel alone then it was well worth the sleepless nightsand all the tears I shed in the shower over this book. 

I love the uniqueness of this book, that it has more of a devotion/journal type feel to it so the reader can participate; was there a particular reason you wanted to go this route with the structure of your book? 

Thanks! I love how unique it is, too! I never thought I would be an author; my main goal was that no matter who picked up Moments of Truth, whether a new LEO wife or a seasoned wife, they felt like they had a friend and someone that they could confide in. So I wanted the devotional journal to reflect that. Whether it’s read in the morning with their coffee as part of their quiet time as they start their day or if it’s read as they unwind after a crazy hectic day and curled up with it while having a glass of wine, I wanted them to know that they were not alone. Personally, I seek out and look

for real, genuine relationships and wanted readers to feel as if they had a friend, or even a sister, to open up to and take a few moments to work through their own truths and that they would know their secrets were safe with me.

You mention in your book about the importance of your husband having “guy time”. Sometimes with their schedules that already max out their time, it is hard to relinquish more of the coveted family time we have with them, but you’re right, it is so important to build their bonds! We often have families over on my husband’s team as well because I also feel it is so important to connect with other wives. Have you formed really good Blue Sister bonds doing this? What is some advice you have for other wives who like to keep their distance from wives groups or engaging with group dinners and how something like this could benefit them in their journey as a police wife? 

Everything takes balance. Guys need their time. We need our time. But we also need time together as a couple and time together with friends and like-minded people. All of us know that the demands that come with this career can make all of this impossible! It’s good to be creative and think outside of the box. I’m so thankful that I have a small group of LEO wives that I could text or call at any moment and they would be there for me. Even now, while I am working from home and we are social distancing, I had a wife and her family ding-dong ditch us and leave a bag of kisses on our front step! I love our Blue family! 

But those relationships take work, time, and energy. I would encourage anyone reading my book to do some of the action items to build those relationships. Like I tell my kids when they go off to camp or try some new activity, “Be a friend, make a friend.”

But I get it. Sometimes in large groups certain people don’t quite jive together, so in those instances I would encourage someone to seek out and try to find your person or people because we are better together. Because just like you need them, they might REALLY need you.

In Chapter 11 you write about the thing we all fear the most, losing our spouse in the line of duty. What is some advice you have for other wives to manage their fears about this?

Life is scary. We know it more than most people but we cannot live in a constant state of fear. We are strong women that back strong men. Being prepared, having a plan, and talking through those difficult conversations all help so we don’t play those crazy mind games. True, something could happen to our husbands, but something could happen to any of us at any time. Sadly, within the past few months a young police wife that I’ve known for years passed away unexpectedly. Her life was cut short; she loved her officer and police family and I know she wouldn’t want the fear of tomorrow to steal the joy we hold today. 

I know I personally am less fearful of my husband’s position when I am in a healthy place, and when I am strong spiritually, emotionally, and connected with good things in my community. Isolation, anxiety and closing off yourself only heightens fears, so stay connected with friends, family, and God.

In this profession, sadly as you mention there is a great risk of officers taking their own lives. Open communication is pivotal to your spouse’s mental health, as well as the health of your marriage. What are some ways you recommend building healthy communication with eachother? 

As wives we are our husband’s number one partner. We should know their struggles; we need to be a safe place for them to go to. It’s easy to nag them about the to-do list, unload on them the stresses that come with life, but they have so much on their plate already.  I try to be strong for my husband and be in tune with his emotions. If he seems overly stressed, I try to think of ways that I can alleviate that. If he seems like he’s closing off, I try to think of something that we can do together to open up communication. But above all knowing his triggers and red flags, and knowing who to reach out to if anything got toosevere. We’ve actually had the department’s policechaplains to our house for dinner. It’s such a great group that most people don’t utilize. I also feel like I would know his up-line to talk to if I saw anything that was out of character. So many people know the saying, “happy wife, happy life,” but I really like “happy house, happy spouse.” I want to do everything in my power to make sure we are at a good place together emotionally and spiritually. We can’t always be happy, but we can be positive andeach other’s safe place.

I cannot think of a timelier example of the need to fast from media for your sanity. Was there ever a specific event in the news that you struggled with “turning it off”, and what led you to make the decision to walk away for awhile?

Oh man, don’t get me going! 

Ironically, I was just talking about this chapter with someone earlier today. If you read my bio, you’ll see I have my master’s in communications and have studied media. I know how news ratings work and how revenue is generated and unfortunately it usually results in hyping up stories. Remember the summer when everyone was dying from sharks and people wanted to close beaches? Now don’t get me wrong, people died from shark attacks, and that is a horrible tragedy. But the news over-reported on it and it made more people fearful and panic. 

When I was writing Moments of Truth, there had been multiple police shootings that were being oversensationalized on the news. It is not healthy for us as wives or for our families to hear about police officers getting shot while at work serving and protecting; this cannot be the focus every time the news airs. The same is true now with the virus.When we repeatedly hear negative stories, it is going to cause a reaction in us. We are going to be fearful, stressed, and worry and we have enough of that on our plate already. So yes, now more than ever is a perfect time to turn off the negative news and focus on the positive. As my husband likes to say, “Hunt the good stuff.”

Something important to note is what you talk about in your Chapter, “Can You Keep A Secret?” and what type of communication you have in your marriage. There are so many different types of personalities in each and every marriage and we each have to learn how to make our unique dynamics work. Some people want to be told everything, and some want to know nothing. That can be hard when you have two different people in the same marriage who relate in two different ways. What would you suggest for relationships that have an LEO who wants to tell all/wife who wants to hear nothing OR, LEO who doesn’t want to tell anything/wife who wants to know what’s going on? 

Holy guacamole, this is a hard one! 

Communication between a man and a woman has been studied and discussed countless times. It is a great mystery and it’s one of the first questions I want to ask God when I get to heaven! What was He thinking to match two such different creatures together?!

Personal dynamics are going to really play into this but think about it like this. The Bible says, “The two shall be one.” One moving part, like-minded.Therefore, I think we need to be at a place that our husbands can confide in us and tell us things—even the hard stuff. We might need to put on our big girl panties and get a little bit thicker skin. It’s hard, I know. When my husband worked as a liaison officer and would tell me some of the struggles he had with kids, ladies, it would break my heart. Literally sometimes I couldn’t sleep at night; it would bring me to tears and that was OK. It made me pray forhim and

the situation. It softened me and showed me being there for him was important. 

Now on the flipside, if he doesn’t want to talk to you and you want to know more, I guess I would just have open communication and evaluate what isn’t he telling you AND why isn’t he telling you. Sometimes I find that communication works better with another couple that are similar to us. If we have them for over for dinner or meet for a drink andappetizer, conversations flow and sometimes it’s easier for them to open up and share stories. Does my husband tell me everything? No. Do I want to know everything? No, absolutely not! Again, I think it comes down to comfortable communication. Good luck!

What were some of your favorite chapters to write about and why? 

Stories that were more humorous that involved our children were easy to write and share, like when our daughter called 911 because I was in the store too long and she wanted to talk to her daddy. Or when my husband started his vehicle to warm it up for work and left it running all night—right after filming a PSA about not leaving your cars unlocked whenwarming them up! The LEO life is full of humorous stories; everyone could write a book because it’s easy to share the funny stories. 

It was harder to share the more honest ones that really opened up areas of our relationship. Like the fact that my husband’s coworkers and chief would read and know about our sex life. Seriously though, every male that opens up the book instantly flips to Chapter 10, “Handcuff Me”! What is it about guys and sex?! I mean, I know everyone has it, but now people would know some of our quirks like having handcuffs on the nightstand or that I used his equipment in boudoir pictures . . . eeek!!! That is scary, vulnerable stuff. 

But my absolute favorite chapter to write and talk about is the very last one, Chapter 31. “You Are Wonder Woman” focuses on how AMAZING all the wives are. The whole book is about our husbands, their roles as officers, and how it impacts so many different aspects of our lives. So I really wanted to finish the book strong by focusing on the ladies that were reading it. I saw this once on Facebook, and I found it to be true: “God found the strongest women and made them LEO wives.” Can I get an ‘amen’?!

What would be some good advice you have for a new wife starting out?

Can I say get my book, read it, and do all of the action items, or is that too much of a shameless plug?! 

No, with all seriousness, do some research, understand your husband’s position, be involved, and make a friend. Find that one person you can vent to, cry to, laugh with, because you’re going to need her on this journey! If you can find more than one Blue sister, you are a blessed woman! 

And lastly, whatever you do, do not binge-watch Live PD or Cops constantly when he’s at work. Instead, stay connected in other ways like following this great group on FB!

What are some of the biggest lessons you have learned in your journey of police life? 

Well, what I’m learning is that just when I think I’m figuring things out and getting it right, something changes or I do it wrong. I need to have patience and grace with myself. This is a crazy, changing world, and it is a crazy, demanding field on my husband that impacts our whole family. The hours and schedule suck, it’s hard to plan around, I’m lonely at times, some of my family and friends just don’t get it, I dislike knowing my husband is disrespected, I hate (and hate is a strong word in our family) that he puts himself in harm’s way for people that do not give a s@&$t at times.

But would I change it? Would I change him?

No. Absolutely not. Not for anything in the world. Because I know he is making a difference. Even when he doesn’t see it. Or feel it. I am proud he is a law enforcement officer. I am proud to be his wife. We will just keep taking it one day at a time together. So that’s what I have to do too, one step at a time, one day at a time. I love the new song from Frozen II. (Our three-year-old is obsessed with it; we have the soundtrack in one car, the DVD in the other, and she probably watches it once a week. That’s a lot of Frozen—pray for me, please!)

But back to the song. It goes,

“I won't look too far ahead.

It's too much for me to take.

But break it down to this next breath, 

this next step,

This next choice is one that I can make.

So I'll walk through this night,

Stumbling blindly toward the light

And do the next right thing.”

If you have this song in your head now, I’m sorry but it’s got a good message. Do the next right thing, one step at a time. You got this, girl! Our officers and communities need you! 

Thanks for learning a little bit more about me and my book, Moments of Truth! I would be honored for you to check it out on Amazon or Barnes & Noble. Since it’s so new I’m still looking for people to read and review it. But more than any of that, I hope it helps you and encourages you in your important role. You rock!

Blessings! 

Jessica Mertz

Jessica, thank you so much for your time and your service as a police wife! I say this all the time, and I’ll say it again, resources for wives are SO IMPORTANT to utilize! We need support as wives to help us navigate through the messy times, as well as the good times! Thanks for sharing yourself with us! 

Interview With M.D. Poole

Author of Salt & Light Being the Hands and Feet of Christ

Hello Matt! Tell our followers about yourself, your book Salt and Light, and some things you’ve learned in your journey as a LEO:

Hi all! About myself, let’s see. I’ve been in law enforcement for sixteen plus years, and currently serve as Detective Captain with a small municipality. My wife, Mendy, has been by my side for twenty years, and we have three children. My son Matson, and our daughters Presley, and Reagan. Salt & Light was really a journey in and of itself. My main focus of the work was to draw attention to the division we face at the personal, spiritual, and profession level, while in the course of our duties. 

What made you decide to write a book and how has it been received by your department?

I have always believed in God, even felt like I had a strong personal relationship with Him, but I know looking back I had many flawed assumptions of how grace and mercy worked, that led to some very poor decisions. During some of the most difficult times in my life, I still felt it paramount to convey a message of service to fellow police officers and had started putting together writings here and there for a few years.  It was after starting a new life in Christ that I sat down and started putting everything in order and expanding on the nature of the work. 

I count myself blessed to work for the Chief Kent Holcomb. He is a long-time mentor and friend. His support meant a lot, and still does. I know there are not a lot of officers that find themselves in that type of environment, but Chief has always had my six.  

You mention things changing after the Dallas shooting in 2016, this seems to be a really common thought process amongst the LEO community. What was it that hit particularly hard for you and how do you think police culture shifted after that event? 

What an excellent question! No officer has to be seasoned to realize what a huge impact the events in Dallas had on our career field. Things had been getting horribly bad for some time. We all knew something was around the corner. Every death is mourned by the brotherhood, but this not only impacted us, it impacted the nation. It was the first time in my career that I cried in front of a civilian. Mendy called me in a panic and told me something was going on in Dallas. I immediately went to my office and started working on getting information. That’s when I saw Brent (Officer Thompson) get murdered. Twelve officers shot, five murdered, countless lives changed forever. Just a little over an hour from where I live. I think a lot of Americans opened their eyes that day. And a lot of police officers shifted to the warrior model of policing. 

A really common problem we’ve heard from many wives is their husband coming home and being authoritative with the family. What would your advice be for LEOs to combat this and how do you maintain having the same honorable character at work AND at home as you discuss in Chapter 5? 

Wow, that would take a breath or two to answer. As you know (by reading Salt & Light) my life and the means I used to cope with stress have changed. I remember one time before all this; I got really tired of coming home and having to be in charge of discipline. Mendy would get home with the kids, and after being with them all day, would put my “in charge.” It seemed as though the only time my kids got to spend with me, I had to get onto them, or be the bad guy.  So, I changed a few things. Mendy can attest that I never used to come home while I was working. Would never stop by even to say “Hi”. So, I started coming to the house in the morning during work and just giving the kids a hug. I wanted them to have something positive to remember about me, should something happen.  That was a start. I would have to offer the following for officers: Use your listening skills. If you’ll wait patiently for a pedo to crack during an interview, then give your wife/husband at least five minutes to vent. They have a life and problems just like you. They’re also trying to maintain themselves and take care of that life while worrying about you. If we’re going to cut slack, it needs to be at home.  

One of the struggles you admit to having in your book is dealing with the hard realities of the job like assaults/domestic situations and still maintaining intimacy with your family once you get home. I found this passage particularly poignant:

“Pain and Suffering are unavoidable in our lives and compounded by our work. Facing death, danger, and the stresses that go with them weigh heavy on the soul. Long-suffering is a quality of any seasoned officer, having or showing patience despite troubles, especially those caused by other people. Exposure to violence, horrific scenes, and line of duty deaths coupled with what is often seen as a crippled justice system propagate a grief cycle that if left unchecked can lead to unbearable despair.”

Tell our followers about how that affected you and how have you worked on overcoming this?

Makes me feel horrible. This job has made me detest human contact. This is something that I’ve had to work on.  I’m still dealing with it now. I’ve gotten better, but I still have issues. I still have anxiety; still suffer from chronic pain, some sleepless nights, and problems with intimacy.  Make no mistake, I am a totally different person, but as stated in passage you referenced, suffering is something we live with sometimes. Getting myself straight and fully placing my trust in God, I can now move forward attempting to fix these issues, and if I can’t, I still have peace knowing that God is with me through my suffering. 

It is well known that Officers see and deal with so much evil in the world, naturally a common tendency is to turn to unhealthy vices to manage these burdens. In order to avoid this, you mention a healthier approach might be to allow officers to have a reprieve from work. How might departments facilitate doing this, and in your opinion how effectively are departments currently doing this? 

That is a hard question to answer. We see an awful lot of good “PR” when it comes to helping officers deal with mental health, but what we don’t see is a lot of action. More times than not we see the negative interactions other brothers and sisters have gone through for stepping up and saying they have a problem. I do think officers should be given an outlet, something similar to Family Medical Leave, that can be used for the sake of mental health, or possible rehabilitation options. I mean, take the State of Texas for example. We just (last year) made it mandatory for everyone officer under Intermediate level to have a forty-hour CIT course, on top of their 40 mandated hours already required. Forty extra hours to deal with other people’s mental health. Trust me, we’re officers. We know how to deal with people. We don’t need forty hours of extra training in human nature. We live that and least eighty hours every two weeks. What we need are strong dedicated officers, strong dedicated supervisors, and strong dedicated state leaders to step up and take care or those who take care of others. Officers need to know they can get help without fear of repercussions, losing their job, or good standing with a department. 

One of the most interesting insights I got from reading Salt and Light, is when you mention seeing certain landmarks that may trigger memories from past calls.  I had never even considered this, and how society seemingly expects officers to maintain perfect mental health after these constant reminders. The current suicide epidemic in law enforcement points to the fact that we as a society need to work on being far more empathetic to the struggles you all face. How do human minds deal with and get past the trauma they have seen and experienced successfully?  

Fifty-three verified as of this date. The number is only going to grow. It will take a change in the law enforcement monster itself. The whole machine has to change, and people have to be willing to change with it. This isn’t something we can continue to kick down the road as officers and blame on brass. This starts with us. Officers have to be willing to open up, and others (whether supervisors or not) need to be willing to listen, and then act. 

As for myself, I rely on my faith. I will work through the trauma, because I know I can now. 

In Chapter 9 you talk about dealing with an extreme fear of losing your family, which made you in essence hold them at arm's length. I think this fear is something husbands and wives can both relate to in this lifestyle. How do you combat this fear and not let it overtake your relationships?

Like I said earlier, this is still something I work on every day. I still feel strange hugging my son. My body still wants to push my family away (like it would anyone) and I fight with that. And you are absolutely right; this is something both partners fear. I don’t worry about myself at work, I worry about my family. It used to take over everything in my mind, it doesn’t now. But I will say, that coming to grips and understanding that fear, helped me to open up and to listen better to my wife. I had to except that there was a fear she was living with whether I did or not. I combated the fear by really trusting God. I had to finally give up and say that He was my only hope, not matter what happened. It’s hard. Hardest things I’ve ever done. I used to drink to make that fear go away, now I pray. 

What is some advice you have for officers, especially those just starting out in their careers? 

If I may, please allow me to respond with my closing letter to young officers from Salt & Light:

First, let me begin by welcoming you to law enforcement. This career field has a long-standing belief that we truly serve the interest of our communities, and the badge we wear reflects the oath we took. Our communities expect fairness, respect, and officers that will conduct themselves in an intelligent and productive manner. It is indeed them that you work for. We chose that when we became officers, and you chose it when you accepted that commission.

Don’t make things personal. You can’t overstep the powers entrusted to you. Conduct yourself in a manner that reflects your superiors, that shows intelligence, professionalism, and an eagerness to serve your community. Don’t be coarse, abrasive or harsh, but use language reflective of the badge you wear and the oath you spoke. Don’t allow personal feelings to compromise your integrity, and refrain from acting out of malice or ill will. Always conduct yourself as though the world is watching.

You will need to understand that law enforcement is the same nationwide, its uniform, but the way we conduct our enforcement and ourselves as professionals varies. Our philosophy is doing the right thing, having strong morals, and above all, having integrity.

You are an extension of your brothers in blue as well as your chief. In turn, you will be viewed as a reflection of them both. Keep this in mind as you serve.

During your tenure you will work in many different aspects of law enforcement. You will see and field an array of calls and crimes. Many of the things you will need to know can’t be taught in a small amount of time but will be learned as you progress in your career. A majority of your work in your community is the deterrence of crime. You will need to learn your community and the people in it. You will have to familiarize yourself with its streets and residences. You will have to work hard to be able to serve a community that respects you, because you will have to work harder to give them a community they can respect.

This is a dangerous job. We all know it. You’ve seen it or read about it. And now, you’ll live it. You will get hurt. You may have to fight for your life. You may take a life. You will have to make sure that not only you, but your brothers make it home after every single shift. Listen to your radio and keep up with your fellow officers. Don’t make a habit of disregarding your back-up, especially when it comes to your mental health.

Now that the basics are out of the way, let us get down to the meat of it all. There is nothing of this world that will prepare you for the ride you are about to go on. You are going to see the ugliest of people and more horrid things than I could ever describe. You will become callous. At some point, you may become void of all feeling. You are at risk of reaching darkness you never felt possible. Your heart will hurt in ways you’ve never known. You will witness murders, suicides, abuse, filth, and unimaginable evil.

There is a huge possibility you will cut yourself off from everyone in your life. You are at risk of divorce, alcoholism, and suicide. You might also reach out for help and not get it. This world is cruel, and if you didn’t already know that, you will soon. Most people are sheltered, you will not be. You will have to hold your tongue when others don’t. You will have to sacrifice more than what you were ready to. You will have to act strong at your weakest moments. You will have to show relentless bravery when you are scared to death. You will think you are invincible to fear while it surrounds you unknowingly. It will be easier for you to walk up to a vehicle, all alone, in the middle of nowhere with any given list of unknowns, than it will be to talk to your spouse and others about your day.

You will find giving advice is easy but living it yourself is harder.

You will start being more comfortable in your uniform than you are in your own home. When this happens, stop. Do not let work become your safe haven. You have a home for a reason, and that uniform has a department for a reason. If you are always acting with integrity, honor, and discipline, then you will not have to change the person you are at either place. You will only change what you’re wearing.

You will work long hours. You will be tired, hungry, and some days you will feel like quitting.

You will see brothers fall. Some days you will cry in silence. Sometimes you will feel alone. Often you will feel unloved. But you are not alone, and you are loved. People care for you. People want your help. People will support you. People will cry when you are hurt. They will stand up with you and say, “No more.”

You will see that you can make a difference in the face of adversity. You will find it is okay to say you need help. The acts you can take legally may be limited, but your ability to act in love never is. You can serve in love and effectively police.

Keep your statutes ready on your mind but keep Gods statutes written on your heart.

There can be justice through peace. You can make a difference every day, and you are the one who chooses what kind of difference that is.

Be a guardian of the people, a warrior on the path to changing hearts.

Everyone is watching you. Everyone will talk about you. People will look up to you or down at you. Take every opportunity to be the hands and feet of Christ. Give no reason for anyone to fault you.

Know when you are wrong. Don’t be afraid to admit it. Take every chance to change it.

Your acts will define you. Let your acts be a reflection of love, your badge a symbol of faith, and your uniform an image of service.

You are a public servant, you are a police officer, but most importantly, you are a child of God called upon to offer up grace in the face of failure, peace in a time of chaos, and a love that will triumph over all evil.

Godspeed.

Thank you so much for your invaluable insight on these topics. It is so important for us to understand many different aspects of what you all experience. Thanks for giving LEOs and LEOWs an incredible resource to utilize! 

Interview with Jonathan E. Hickory (and his wife Stacy Hickory)

Author of Break Every Chain

Book Interview:

https://www.facebook.com/watch/live/?v=1089927547859234&ref=watch_permalink

Book Review:

Being a LEOW, this book was phenomenal for me to read to be able to see the other side of things that so many LEOs deal with. This book was one of the most inspiring, heartbreaking, gut-wrenching pieces of literature I've read. As you read it, you feel all the loss, hurt, and pain as if it is your own. You can almost feel yourself traveling along with Jonathan and Stacy on their journey as they navigate through many heartbreaks, victories, and accomplishments. I'm not really sure any words do this book full justice, but God blessed Jonathan with the ability to write it so eloquently. This book will speak to many, and I believe, rescue many.

- Alyssa J.

Purchase-- Break Every Chain