This week my two sisters and I went to a local tattoo parlor to get a sister tattoo. Due to COVID regulations we had to go separately so I went back last; I sat down in the chair, excited to get my tattoo. He prepped everything, put the stencil down and then started his first stroke when the sticker caught my eye. “ACAB: and their b****a** families.” My stomach instantly sank, as I thought of my husband, our kids, myself, who are included in that “Families” statement. It’s one thing to see the ACAB, but bring my kids into it, mama bear comes out.
If you know me at all, I already have no filter and I am not afraid to speak my mind so before I was even fully thinking straight, I took a deep breath and said, “Aw man, what’s up with the sticker?!” To which he replied “Yeah, it’s how I feel; bad experiences for myself and my friends.” I (somewhat) cautiously let him know I was a LEOW (it’s also pretty obvious given my blue line tattoo on the opposite wrist he was tattooing) and that I would love to chat with him about some of his experiences. He sat back and said, “Wow, really, you sure? I can talk a long time about this.” Another deep breath and I began quietly listening to him explain some challenges he’s faced with law enforcement. I gave the occasional “I’m sorry that’s how that ended, or that’s what happened” (when appropriate). I also asked if I could give him an explanation for some of his ‘opinions’ to which he did allow and listened.
We actually had a very great conversation. I am thankful that I had someone open up to me and that I was able to see things through their lenses. It’s HARD to have those difficult conversations. It takes courage, strength, forgiveness, open mindedness, respect by both people. If those aren’t carried out by both parties, there will not be a good conversation and I was lucky to have someone who treated me equally as respectful.
I was one deep breath away from not having the time of day for this person. I could have sat in silence, kept the conversation light, and not dug in, but I have had enough. Enough of being quiet, being the bigger person, not rocking the boat. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes, it’s not appropriate to dive into the tough issues. But when I get the chance to talk, you best believe I’m gonna talk.
I’m glad I talked to this guy. No, I didn’t leave the shop with him having some sort of epiphany and ordering a TBL t-shirt and scraping off his ACAB sticker. However, I did leave the shop with him thanking me for having an open conversation and letting him share some frustration. I told him to make changes we must start somewhere and today we started. I left feeling slightly better than when I first sat down in that chair and saw the gut punching sticker. I got outside and breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. Today was the first time I stood up and took the first step for change.
Moving forward, I’m going to be trying really hard to change my mindset and see these kinds of interactions as an opportunity. An opportunity to speak up for what is right, for my husband’s safety, for my children’s father, for my best friend. I know we signed up for this life, but it doesn’t mean I signed up to be disrespected because of my husband’s career. My kids did not sign up for this life, and if I can start the process of making change for them and their futures, I will. I will not be silent anymore.
My goal of this post is to challenge all of us. Have those difficult conversations. I’m not asking you to be belittled, hurt, called names, etc. When the time is right, and we can speak to others in a manner where both parties are respected, do it! We must be the change, we cannot be silent anymore, no one is going to do it for us. We must do it for each other. Much love to all of you! I got your 6.
l Danielle l