I remember reading something about fatigue in our spouses, in a book I read last year. It said something about LEO and hyper vigilance so I went back and re-read the chapter.

I must admit that I have no experience with Jéan being withdrawn after work or continuously disengaged on his days off. I’ve seen several posts online asking if other wives have encountered these behaviors or characteristics in their LEO as well. I’m going to share with you what the chapter says with hope that someone will be better able to understand what their spouse is going through.

“Frustration can boil over when we see him sitting in his chair, staring at his phone or the television in what seems like a weekly off-day pattern. Sometimes he has a hard time concentrating and questions of any caliber can be difficult for him to process. There is a lack of focus; they seem to be listening, but they are not “hearing” or engaging in the conversation. They can be too tired to do anything productive. Much of this is a symptom of continual hyper vigilance and the roller coaster hormonal biological effects. The long-lasting adrenaline surges, the quickly falling depletion of those hormones, and the leveling back to normal is a daily cycle that if not recognized can result in irrevocable relationship damage.”
A Police Wife Bible Study by Melissa Humes, Fatigue, pg 34

Now that we are armed with this information, we are now tasked with recognizing this behavior. And decide, how are we either going to normalize or help normalize the hyper vigilant cycle in our spouses. It’ll take the doing of both us and our spouses to ensure a smooth transition from the heightened state of awareness to being relaxed and present at home. Make plans and stick to it even if it means giving up that extra job. Develop an exercise routine throughout the week and stick to it. Prioritize family and never compromise. Sure work will sometimes take precedence like a last minute meeting or court date or call out. Those few occurrences are ok. Develop a home routine together and stick to it.

There’s no reason why as a team we can’t get through this, break it, or prevent it. Knowledge is key.

l Kerry-Ann l