I’m just going to ask…and you definitely don’t have to answer…but…when is the last time you and your LEO were intimate? You know…when you and him…you know…had private adult time in the bedroom…or in the laundry room for that matter?
Loving someone in law enforcement can be trying at times (heck, that’s sort of like pointing out that the taste of kale resembles bug spray). Maybe it’s frustration over broken dinner plans due to your LEO working a late call. Maybe it’s his suddenly grumpy mood when something seems to be weighing on him (he swears nothing is wrong as he yells at a jar of pickles). Maybe it’s simply the worry and anxiety that settles in your chest the second he walks out the front door. Maybe you’re just flat out tired.
Whatever it is, at some point, your once vibrant sex life has now fallen to the wayside…and is now stuck in the mud on the side of the road…and a family of opossums is building a nest on it.
Like anything else in marriage, your intimate life requires effort and attention. But there’s the kids, overtime shifts, dinner to burn, guns to clean, boots to polish, toilets to scrub, SWAT callouts, soccer practice, and, and, and…the list goes on. While it seems that sex is something we can simply shove to the side, don’t underestimate its importance in our relationships. The ability to have that type of physical and emotional connection with each other is extremely valuable.
If you’re in a bit of a dry spell there are things that can be done to get back on track. Start by making the time you do have together count. Put down the cell phones and turn off the tablets to focus on each other. Get up off the couch, turn off the TV, go for a walk and be sure to hold hands!
What about date nights? Yes, it is imperative to continue dating your spouse. I still love it when my LEO texts me and asks me if I can grab a quick lunch with him! It lets me know I’m on his mind and that he still wants to spend time with me. Do the same for him! It doesn’t always have to be a fancy, expensive dinner and show. Heck, plan a picnic on the living room floor.
Leave each other love notes. You don’t have to carve out an entire sonnet proclaiming your undying love, but a sticky, yellow post-it slapped on the bathroom mirror with a wish for a nice day can do a lot to show you’re thinking about your spouse.
I know it may not sound like the most romantic thing ever, but make an appointment! We don’t always have the luxury of being spontaneous, so pick a time when you know you’ll both be home, circle it a few hundred times on the calendar, and make it happen!
Our tough, strong LEOs may not voice it, and they may not even admit it, but they do need to feel loved too. I know for some of us that it might not come naturally, but make the first move! You just might surprise yourself…and him.
I’m sure there are a zillion little other things that can be done to fan that little flicker of a flame into a raging wildfire. Remember…the grass isn’t always greener on the other side…it’s greenest where you water it. How do you keep your flame burning? Or your grass watered? Or your laundry room…shakin’?
l Sandee l