“Your husband would never do that.”
“I’m glad he’s one of the good ones.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I still like him!”
These are some of the comments I’ve heard over and over the last year from friends, family, and co-workers alike. He’s one of the good ones. Little do they know, any shift, it could be us. I think that is the heaviest thing on most LEO spouses minds the last year. It could be us in a split second.
The last year has been the toughest of my 10 years of being a law enforcement spouse. I’ve seen friends post terrible things on social media; I’ve had to keep my mouth shut at work when we take a moment of silence for another “victim” of “police brutality”. I can’t turn on any news station without a single negative story regarding law enforcement. It’s the focal point of everything.
Meanwhile the people that do support us are quieter than ever for fear of backlash. I’ve seen women and men scrape off the thin blue line sticker from their car, take down their thin blue line flag from outside their houses, and flip their shirts inside out because of all the dirty looks they were getting.
We’ve had to have tough conversations regarding the what if’s, making plans for if something like this were to happen. We talk about where we’d go, who would know where we are. We have had to change our own names on social media, and just be more aware of our surroundings/situations.
The heaviness of the fact that It could be us weighs on me every day. He could be the next “villain cop”. The next most hated person in America. The next “stereotypical cop”. I try to curb my anxiety and generally do a good job. Until you try to do any normal activity, as simple as logging into Facebook, watching the news, and looking at a magazine stand. Everywhere is a reminder. It is exhausting, but we are resilient. We will get through this hard time, and if god forbid it is us. I know there is an army of women behind me, a brotherhood behind him and we could make one call out and have 100 places that would welcome us with open arms. That is what keeps me sane and going every day.
l Danielle l