When you get married to a LEO there are many things you inadvertently sign up for and often times not realize it. At least I didn’t. While I knew his work schedule came first I don’t think I fully grasped that it meant years of missed birthdays, anniversaries, rescheduled dinner dates with friends, going to school meetings and doctor appointments alone. What put the icing on the cake for me was the fact that he was also military. One weekend every month and two weeks every year minimum time was expected to be dedicated to serving. However, he never served anything close to the minimum amount of expected time.
Between serving and protecting the community he was working for and the US government my husband was gone more than he was home which made me a “single married parent”. Often times when I went to church l, women would look at my left hand while asking, how was my hubby or where was my hubby. I honestly don’t think they realized they were doing that. I was tempted to become bitter and resentful of his jobs but I was also, always, so proud to tell others what he did for a living. Being proud of him won.
It wasn’t easy keeping up with appointments by myself or school functions. It definitely wasn’t easy getting the girls to understand that he wasn’t missing their birthdays on purpose but that we would figure it out by celebrating together either earlier or later based on his schedule. The girls learned after awhile that disappointments are a built in part of life’s journey but there are sometimes ways around it.
Even though he’s retired from the military the extra jobs that comes with law enforcement has taken its place. We make plans but if he’s too tired to see them through I understand. I no longer get annoyed. Most days I still see myself as a “single married parent/woman” but I’ve weighed the pros and cons of him changing his job so he could be home more. I realize he would be miserable not being able to do what he loves.
So sister, the next time you refer to yourself as a “single married woman” or “single married parent” just think of it as a title of honor just like a woman whose spouse is serving overseas. Unfortunately for us though we can’t have it both ways. Why you may ask? Because our LEO can’t serve and protect from home .
~Kerry-Ann