As I sit here trying to think of how to put my thoughts into words I can't help but to also think I should not have to be writing this, but reality says otherwise.

See, I'm a black woman married to a black law enforcement officer who has 21 years on the job. We also have 2 black boys (1 young adult and 1 toddler) and 2 girls (1 young adult and mixed race teenager). My husband has had "the talk" with both of the older ones about how to conduct themselves when they encounter the police. He's on the inside so he knows what's true and what's truth. But today I'm writing because of our toddler boy.

We call him J-bug, he is 4 years old and will be 5 later this month. J-bug is considered special needs because of a rare disorder that he was diagnosed with at 14 months old. It has caused significant developmental delays for him but he's resilient just like his father. He is his own cheerleader which is amazing and inspiring. Paw Patrol is his favorite t.v. program and Chase is his favorite character. His favorite word is why and his favorite person is...well it's dependent on the day or the time of day. My favorite thing about him is how quickly he forgives. I share this about my J-bug because I want you to know him the way I do and understand why I am concerned about his future 10-15 years from now.

Until recently I was not concerned about him being specials when he gets older as much as I was concerned about him being black on the streets. What caused the stir in my heart was watching the news and learning about Elijah McClain. He was an African American 24 year old young man that died after being restrained by law enforcement using a carotid hold several times then given ketamine by paramedics. Carotid hold cuts off blood circulation to the brain causing the person to lose consciousness. When the law enforcement first encountered Mr McClain they were responding to a 911 call of a sketchy person because he was wearing a ski-mask in August. Several things Mr McClain said stood out to me as the mother of a child with special needs that the officers missed. And that is what is concerning to me.

I have so many what ifs: What if J gets stopped and is unable to properly articulate himself and he's misunderstood by the officers? Then what? What if his sometimes uncontrollable hand gestures come across as resisting? Then what? What if he gets overwhelmed with several strangers questioning him or yelling commands at the same time? Then what?

With all the calls for change happening I think we all need come to the table and share concerns and work together to ensure the changes that are enacted are actually beneficial to all. The knee jerk reactions I have been seeing with response to calls to “defunding the police” will prove counterproductive to the change and reforms we need in order to bridge the gap between the law enforcement and communities and rebuild trust. Instead more resources need to be poured into law enforcement programs that will help them to become better officers on and off the duty. I believe all officers should receive mandatory classroom training on how to recognize those with special needs and mental illness. De-escalation classes should never be offered online but instead should be a part of a mandatory curriculum only offered in a classroom setting. The issue with making this a reality is there is not enough funds and not enough human resources to pull officers off the street while officers are in the classroom and still have sufficient presence in the community. The pay and incentives offered to the men and women who risk their lives everyday protecting our communities is a joke. Most have to take advantage of over time, second jobs or extra jobs offered by the department to make ends meet. Better pay will encourage increase interest in law enforcement and also have our men and women solely focus on the job at hand. Sometimes officers mental health has been stretched without support from those who are suppose to have their backs. I believe our law enforcement officers’ mental health should be re-accessed every 2-3 years and offered the help and provided the resources needed to stay healthy and perform their job at optimum capacity.

These are just a few of the changes I believe it will take for me worry a little less about my son's safety in 15 years should he encounter the police without either of us being with him. I believe these are just some of the changes that are necessary for my husband to continue to believe that those he seeks to serve and protect will trust him to serve and protect them. I believe that these are just some of the changes that are necessary for me as a law enforcement officer’s wife to believe that after my husband retires his mental health will still be intact. Whilst I don’t believe these are the only changes needed, I do believe this would be a great place to start to get us on the right path necessary.

| Kerry-Ann |
Christian wife. Mother. Friend