My son saved someone’s life today. I can’t possibly begin to tell you how that feels. It’s absolutely surreal.
He’s so proud. His Dad is proud. His Lieutenant is proud. The Chief is proud.
And…all I can manage to think to myself is…what if it had gone wrong?
I mean, the kid is 23-years-old. He was just sworn in a few weeks ago. He isn’t even out of field training yet! And here he is….literally saving a man from plummeting to his death after he tried to jump off of a bridge.
As he went over every detail of his exciting story, I instantly caught myself worrying and running through a zillion horrible “what if” scenarios in my head. As much as I tried to hide it inside, I know my reserved reaction disappointed my son. I should have celebrated with him and was honestly ashamed of myself for letting him down.
Motherhood is one tough role to step out of, if even for a minute or two. My son, Mr. Big Tough Policeman (well…to be honest he’s not that big…on a good day with his boots on he might be 5’8”), doesn’t need his mommy still trying to protect him from the awful things he is sure to see in his career as a LEO.
In the world of law enforcement, it is all too easy to have worry become our go to emotion…especially in these days of civil unrest, protests, riots, mass shootings…and oh yeah…a little thing going around known as a pandemic. Worrying about what could happen and dwelling on the “what ifs” only heightens anxiety, adds to any emotional burden you may already be carrying, and in the end, flat out robs us of today’s happiness.
To be honest, after being married to a LEO for almost 30 years now, I thought I would deal better with my son diving into this career. I thought I had this anxiety business all worked out! Don’t get me wrong…I of course still worry about my husband from time to time. But I find that it’s no way to live your daily life and I thought I had learned to keep my anxiety in check after so many years…for the most part anyways.
My mental health has definitely taken a few steps backwards lately and from the comments I read on social media from other LEOWs, many of us have the same daily fears and struggles going on. These have been trying times for sure and it helps immensely to know we are not alone in this.
Aside from the obvious things that can help us feel better emotionally, like a good night’s sleep, a little exercise, eating healthy, and a secret stash of gummy bears in the center console of your car (don’t judge me)…I have two words for you…faith and prayer…have some and do it often! “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7) Thank goodness we have a God that never tires in our weakness and always wants to hear from us…even if it’s just to utter a simple cry for help.
Our officers don’t get nearly enough of the good stuff and they need us to celebrate these victories when they happen. I’ve since told my son that he was right where he was meant to be when he helped that tortured soul trying to end his own life. I couldn't be more proud of him and I hope that the next time he walks through my door with terrifyingly good news, that I can truly be excited for his success. I don't want worry or anxiety to be my "go to" emotion...might take me awhile…but, I’m working on it.
l Sandee l