The previous day was a particularly weird day for me.

First, it was the scripture I made eye contact with in the morning while brushing my teeth that wouldn’t leave my spirit. Then it was the song at the end of the night out of nowhere that I couldn’t stop singing. I laid in bed winding down for the night while watching my hubby getting dressed for work. All while softly sing the words to “All I Need is You Lord”. I caught myself smiling for no other reason than feeling blessed even though in that moment I had a migraine.

Shortly after I making my last post of the night my hubby kissed me goodnight and left the bedroom.

I thought he had left for work. I said a quick prayer of protection over him because I had an uneasy feeling watching him walk out the door. This was very unusual for me. After praying I continued laying in bed thinking about the prayer chain I wanted us to do in the LEOW Bible study group I’m leading. In the middle of figuring out how I wanted it go my (which wasn’t easy because my head was throbbing) my nephew walks in to my room and tells me I need to go downstairs to console my husband.

In a very confused state, and forgetting about myself, I got up and rushed downstairs to find him sitting in the couch with his head buried in his hands he was indeed in tears. I fell to my knees by his feet and held him and then asked what was going on. He explained that he just got a phone call that his childhood best friend died a couple hours earlier. My heart shattered as there was nothing I could’ve done or said in that moment that could make him feel better.

My heart hurt because I promised to always have his six but in that moment what did having his six mean or look like? I held him and kept repeating the words “I’m sorry babe”. He was some how able to pull himself together and left for work anyway against my desires. With the strength of the Lord he made it through the night.

The next day he cried on and off. He was here but he wasn’t. He tried distracting himself with the kids outside and washing his patrol unit. We talked about his memories with his friend growing up and about his family. But he was so different today. It hurts so much more because his friend lived 14 hours away, and with COVID-19, he won’t be able to attend the funeral. He spoke to him last week not knowing it would be his last time being able to do so.

Having his six means for the next few days or even weeks he’s going to be sad or grumpy for no apparent reason but I’ll remember he has one.

Having his six means granting him extra grace if he forgets to do something extremely important.

Having his six means giving 80% while he’s only able to give 20% without complaining.

Having his six is simple being there for him when he reaches out for me.

The following morning he got up put his uniform on and his badge and he went and did his job while pushing his pain to the back of mind. I expected him to cry some more when he got home but he did not. If he had it would’ve been okay because I would have his six.

#iwillalwayshavehissix #godsgothissix

Kerry-Ann
| Christian Wife. Mother. Friend |