I’m going to tell you a story and if you commit to reading it then I ask you do until the very end to see how I’ll connect this to JUSTICE and CHANGE - THAT IS MY GOAL. I’m Italian American, I’m not racist - in fact in ANTI racist, I support police and I also support black lives - and I’m DEMANDING that believing in all these things is allowable!
Here’s my story.
During the winter I was on my way to the mechanic. My husband, a police officer who works in town, was on the road and was going to swing by to say hi to me and my daughter (who was also in the car). On my way to the mechanic I noticed a large trailer jack knifed in the middle of the road. I was concerned so when I pulled into the mechanic, I kept calling my husband to alert him, he didn’t answer.
I called 5 times, possibly more and a few minutes later (which as you could imagine felt like an hour) I saw police flying by. I did my best to be nonchalant in front of my daughter, who pointed out that daddy was working in those police cars with the sirens - I didn’t know this at the time but these cars were backup - about 10 minutes late - in finally locating my husband, who wasn’t answering his radio.
My daughter asked me if Daddy was ok. My husband always tells me I tend to jump to the worst case scenarios but I’m not sure that even he understands what it’s like to be on my end sometimes.
Moments later my husband walked up to the car with blood all over him. My daughter didn’t understand if her father was hurt or why and she was upset that she couldn’t hug him.
Across the street from where we sat at the mechanic, my husband battled to apprehend the violent drunk driver who was responsible for putting people’s lives at risk.
The car that could have hit me and my daughter head on if we were on that road LITERALLY 3 mins before. The driver who evaded him by car, almost struck a CHILD playing on his front lawn, resisted arrest, became violent (to say the least) and attempted to take my husband’s gun. During the arrest and the grappling in the street, my husband’s radio switched to another station and fell. He was unable to call for backup and he was ALONE. Only he wasn’t alone.
Citizens were out in the street, video taping and screaming “fuck that pig up. Fuck the police”. The child that was almost struck by the drunk driver, that child’s parent, was one of the women taping my husband and screaming disgusting things at him. In fact she FILED A REPORT against my husband (that is required to be investigated and is on his professional record) for SPEEDING down her street to apprehend the man who was evading and ignoring the fact he was being pulled over.
No one helped. In fact they wished him harm. I feel it’s important to say that these individuals were NOT black. Their color didn’t matter. Their behavior did.
Here is the purpose of my story - When these things happen to GOOD officers over and over it chips away at them. In my profession we call it burnout. When it occurs someone starts to question their belief system and becomes numb and questions what drives and motivates them.
I’m going to tell you why that’s a scary thing. This happened to my husband LAST year. I have many more stories similar to it so unfortunately this is not the only trauma my family has endured. It’s happened since the day he began working as a police officer in 2013. He’s been spit at, verbally undressed, and degraded. People have become violent, attempted to take his life, video taped him and THEN antagonized him. The VICTIMS of crimes have become violent with him when he has been called out to protect them. My family has been harassed. My life has been threatened so many times that if you ask me to count I’d need extra hands. My children’s lives have been threatened and things said about them that you can’t even imagine. I’ve worried for their safety when they aren’t in my care and are in public or at school because people have threatened to hurt them in these places. THIS CHIPS AWAY AT THE GOOD ONES.
Let’s assume you don’t care about my husband’s safety, my children’s father... Maybe you’ll say he CHOSE his profession right?
Let me tell you... and now I’m speaking as a mental health professional who worked in a jail for 5 years alongside correction officers and has been on the inside of their realities - Ask any officer - NO ONE could imagine when they signed up for the job... the horror they’d see, the trauma they would face, the evil they would know exists in the world when they put that uniform on. NO ONE. And please be grateful that you don’t know what they have seen and how it had forever changed their view of their world and their safety.
Here’s why you SHOULD CARE: There are good police officers in the world and WE, all of US, need them now more than ever. If you want to see CHANGE you have to preserve these officers. They are the ones making a difference, keeping you safe and holding the integrity of the profession that you are currently demanding.
*Making them take the BLAME, projecting anger towards them and disdain for the profession for the actions of some will result in their BURNOUT. The GOOD officers will leave their profession or becoming a hell of a lot less proficient at it. The GOOD people considering entering the profession will NOT enter into it.
What do you think will happen when positions NEED to be filled (yes because they are civil service positions) and the pool of applicants are half assed because everyone sees how “shitty” of a profession it is with little to no internal rewards?! THEY are the ones we NEED now to make the change WE want to see. I’ll tell you what... if my children grew up and told me they wanted to be police officers I’d tell them HELL NO!
Are there bad officers who abuse their power? Heck yes! Know why? There are bad people in the world. EVERYWHERE. But you can’t GENERALIZE and blame them all! And if you want good officers to stand up, speak up and do better then show them you stand WITH them!
There are officers like my husband who come home to ask me professional questions about mental health, drug addiction, how to build rapport with people. He asks me about services and programs to get kids off the streets. Out of homes that are abusive. Officers who want to do right and protect people from the EVIL in the world. When officers BURNOUT they stop 🛑 asking these questions and become complacent. How is that a good thing right now?
We have to repair the relationship between the community and police. It CAN happen and it IS happening - you have to CHOOSE to see it. We have to rebuild TRUST. Because I’m telling you, police need to see the good in people and the support from people to FUEL them. NO ONE In their right mind would take on this job if there wasn’t fulfillment and satisfaction associated with it. Believe me, they don’t do it for the money! But violence and hate against them... it will only create the same mistrust between police and the public that people are protesting about. Please come together to make change and stop dividing!